Chapter Twenty-four

 Mayflower, Michigan August 10, 2011

Brighamina did not like the licentiousness of the gentiles of Michigan. They moved to the more uspscale community of Mayflower in a new Fisher-Price Neo-colonial, the exterior made completely of durable plastic. Congregants at the Mormon temple nearest Mayflower, in Arbor City, gave them hostile looks when they discovered her father was Joseph ibn Smith. They didn’t even contact her when she told them she wanted to sponsor missionaries. Brighamina was forced to worship virtually at the new temple in Mogadishu, which her father had converted from an ancient mosque. She became a recluse, making Urimm and Thiminn Christmas tree ornaments by day and ordering food for her and Johnny by night. She used their indoor gym in the morning to keep her body tight and lithe, just how her Eternal husband liked it.

Johnny got a job as assistant football coach and as the old coach was ready to retire, he became head coach of the Peking High School Indigenous Warriors in his second year of coaching.

“Johnny, we’ve been trying to have a child for almost three years,” she told him one Friday night. “I’m starting to get worried. I think we should talk to Dr Mario and arrange a visit to a clinic.”

“Whoa!” said Johnny. “Let’s give it a little while longer before we have to do that. Aren’t you enjoying being a couple, eating great food, going out-“

“I don’t go out, Johnny. You do. I just stay at home and praise God.”

“You could go out,” said Johnny. “We could go out tomorrow night.”

“I don’t like living in Babylon anymore. There are too many sinful gentiles. I never see the sun.” She frowned.  “I want to go back to Utah. Or maybe… Somalia.”

“You’re just going through the winter time blues, baby. I’ll tell you what- if you’re not knocked up in the next month, we’ll give Dr Mario a call.”

“Yes, my eternal husband.” Brighamina sighed. “As God instructs me, I do as you wish.”

Johnny had not been faithful. He had been having sex with Velvet Christoforo in his office. She was the captain of the volleyball team and she was almost eighteen.

Brighamina came back earlier than expected from a springtime visit to her father in his Mogadishu compound, only to find Johnny and Velvet frolicking in the hot tub.

She wept and wept, and somehow Johnny was able to stop Brighamina from talking to her father. Johnny admitted to his spermicidal tribal tattoo and had it removed.

Soon enough, Brighamina was pregnant and she glowed with anticipation. Johnny was afraid that Joseph ibn Smith was watching him and stayed loyal to his gravid wife.

Until Miss Sterling, the American teacher, came to him one day and told him about the man who dumped her. Consolation turned into heavy petting which turned into sexual intercourse.

Like Brighamina, Johnny liked the sun. When it was hot and sunny, his libido increased. Four months pregnant, during the hot Michigan summer, Johnny couldn’t depend upon Brighamina for regular sex and spent more and more time with Gucci Sterling, the lithe brunette, as they both taught summer school. Gucci taught American and Coach Stallion taught Driver’s Education. Joseph ibn Smith was so excited about his future grandson and told Johnny to pick out any car he liked. Johnny liked Ferraris and picked out one named Enzo.

“Signore Stallion, don’t worry about this wife of yours. It is the right of a man to have an affair, as long as he is discreet.”

“Yeah, Enzo, you’re right!” said Johnny as he left school to visit Gucci at her condo. “I need sex and one woman can’t give me all the sex I need.”

“Of course!” agreed Enzo. “You have some Italian blood, I am certain.”

It came to a halt when Johnny forgot to turn off his PhoneBoy while he was getting it on with Gucci in her hot tub. Normally he was very diligent in covering his tracks. But Gucci liked to do drugs, and while Johnny usually didn’t, his current mistress claimed that fucking while high on F was better than sex.  She held out a handful of pills in her small hands.

“Take at least two, man whore!” she growled. “There’s more if you need them.” She put her hands down Johnny’s pockets and deposited two small handfuls of Fs.

“Okay, woman, if you say so,” said Johnny, popping two light blue gel tabs into his mouth.

The football coach was disoriented for a couple of minutes, but sucking on Gucci’s boobs centered him enough to nail his co-worker good and hard.

So Johnny forgot to turn off his PhoneBoy and Brighamina listened to them for twenty minutes before she hung up in tears.

Johnny heard it when he got home. He parked the car in the climate-controlled four car garage and walked in the house.

“Your wife is not happy with you,” said the house computer, with the voice of Charlton Heston. “You have lain with a woman who is not your wife.”

“What?” asked Johnny. “What are you talking about?” He walked out to the pool, where he guessed Brighamina would be.

“Fornicator!” thundered the house.

“Hush!” Johnny cursed. He found Brighamina outside, on a chaise lounge. Her pregnancy was beginning to show. It was seven thirty and the sun was another hour before it would set. . She held her pink PhoneBoy up so Johnny could see the screen. As he crossed the tile floor of the kitchen to the patio, she played the video of Johnny performing cunnilingus on Gucci Sterling.

“What is this?” She was furious. Johnny had never seen her so angry. Her face was red with anger and her eyes were red from crying. “You were fucking this whore! Again! Again you cheated on me!” She stood up, her pregnant belly showing.

“Uh, well,” Johnny looked down. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Um… I think I am a sex addict. It’s a disease. I’m the victim, here.”

“What? Is that the best you can do?” She sneered. “You think I’m stupid. I love you and-“ Brighamina began to weep. “You do this again and again!”

Johnny approached her. “I love you, baby!” He put his arms around her. “Just because I got weak a few times, doesn’t mean I don’t love you!”

Brighamina resisted, but relaxed in his arms and wept.

“I’m not enough for you? I do everything for you!” She shook loose of Johnny’s embrace. “You must think I’m stupid!”

She backed up toward the patio.

“Daddy told me to watch you because you just want my money!” Her face reddened again.

“That’s not true!” Johnny snapped. “That is bullshit.”

“I’m calling Daddy. I don’t want to live with you anymore!” Tears fell down her cheeks.

“Let’s talk this over, first,” said Johnny calmly. “I am your eternal husband.”

Brighamina frowned and closed her eyes. “I want to call Daddy. I want to talk to Daddy.”

“Let’s talk for a few minutes and then I promise you call your daddy.” Johnny smiled, but Brighamina’s eyes were closed. “Give me five minutes and then you can talk to your dad, my eternal wife.”

Brighamina opened her eyes. “Yes, my husband,” she said defeatedly.

“Sit down and I’ll fetch you a glass of milk,” said Johnny. He tried to help his wife sit down at one of the leather bar stools, but she rebuffed him.

“Okay,” she whimpered. “But I will talk to Daddy.”

“Of course you will!” Johnny said in a low voice. “Two glasses of milk, coming up!”

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses by the wine rack full of non-alcoholic wines. He peeked around the corner to see Brighamina weeping in her hands, slumping against the counter by the patio door.

He pulled out the contents of his right pocket which included his money clip and fifteen light blue gel tabs of F. “Would you like some chocolate milk?” he asked his wife.

“I don’t care,” she moaned.

Johnny dumped the pills in one of the glasses and poured several tablespoons of Hershey syrup on top. He looked over his shoulder and saw Brighamina still weeping. Her pink PhoneBoy was on the counter, very close to her hands.

He hurriedly grabbed a liter of Milkoid and poured it into both glasses. Using a wooden spoon near the oven (a wedding presentthat had never been used) he stirred the chocolate milk vigorously, and brought up a spoonful from the bottom of the glass.

The pills were dissolving.

“I want to call Daddy!” moaned Brighamina. “I thought you were getting me milk?” She sniffled.

“Yes, my dear! Right here, my love!” Johnny took the glasses and brought them to Brighamina, setting the chocolate Milkoid next to her.

“Say what you want to say,” she said quietly, taking the glass.

“I, I haven’t acted in a godly way recently. I want to change.” Johnny said, sitting down next to the tall, slender woman. “I’ve acted like a real…dirtbag.”

Johnny was still very high on F. Everything was flowing around him. He felt like he was dreaming.

Brighamina opened her eyes for a second and sipped the milk. “I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I understand. I want to change. I want you to trust me again.” Johnny cooed in her ear.

“Too much chocolate!” She put down the glass.

“Aw, you should drink it. Chocolate makes you feel better.”

“Okay,” she said in baby talk. “I will dwink it.”

“Down the hatch! Yum, yum!” Johnny watched Brighamina drink half of the glass.

“Eww!” said Brighamina, making a face. “It tastes bitter. That Milkoid must be bad.”

“Oh, maybe it’s because you’re pregnant?” asked Johnny. “Remember what Dr Mario said about food?”

“Are you trying to poison me?” Brighamina wrinkled her nose.

“Ha ha!” Johnny forced a laugh. “I am a bad boy, but I’m not evil!”

His eternal wife shook her head. “I’m going to call my dad.” She sipped the chocolate drink. “I love you, but I can’t take this anymore. It’s not right.” She took a big gulp of her drink. “I definitely taste something bitter.”

“Be a good girl and drink it up,” said Johnny, tickling her under her chin. “You know how chocolate makes you feel.”

Brighamina giggled and finished the glass.

“Don’t you feel better?” Johnny whispered into her ear.

“You know- I really do!” Brighamina’s pupils widened. “My eternal husband, I order you to fuck me right now!” She put her arms around Johnny. “Rip my clothes off now!” She growled and bit Johnny on the neck.

Johnny gripped her neckline and pulled her camouflage maternity blouse open. Buttons popped out and Brighamina’s pregnant belly and medium-sized, but round and shapely breasts beckoned from the confines of her white sport bra, which Johnny immediately unfastened from behind.

“I wanted you to rip my bra off!” Brighamina pulled down Johnny’s running shorts.

“It’s…Lycra,” said Johnny, pulling her shorts down and kissing her neck. “It… doesn’t rip.”

“Uh, the lights are turning purple!” Brighamina moaned as Johnny entered her.

“Oh yeah.” Johnny grabbed the Formica countertop and thrusted into his wife.

“Ungh, I…don’t…uhh.” Brighamina’s eyes rolled up and her tongue lolled out.

Johnny Stallion continued to penetrate Brighamina bin Joseph. “Yeah…ungh…yeah.”

Brighamina shook and began to vomit. Some of the vomit passed her lips.

Johnny came as Brighamina choked.

“Oh, Jesus,” said Johnny who dismounted Brighamina. “You don’t look good.”

Brighamina had stopped breathing.

“Baby, didn’t that chocolate make you feel better?” asked Johnny, caressing Brighamina’s face, a dribble of vomit extending from her lower lip down to her scapula. He picked up her maternity smock and wiped her face. “I love it when you’re quiet and pliant.”

Johnny could hear Bowser, King of the Koopas from his PhoneBoy he left on the rainforest wood counter by the front door.

“It’s Gucci Sterling! She keeps calling you! Rowr! This is the seventeenth time she has called you today! You should pick up,” growled Bowser. “If you need marital counseling, Finlandia Schiffer would like to help.”

“Oh dear! I should call for medical assistance!” said the Princess from Brighaminas’ PhoneBoy from outside on the chaise lounge on the teak patio by the pool.

Johnny spun his head towards the pink phone. Gently placing Brighamina’s head on the floor, he stepped outside and tossed his wife’s phone into the pool. He watched it sink to the bottom, the Princess still waving her hands frantically on the screen. It landed on its back and the image of the Princess was distorted by the refraction of the six feet of water. She held her hands to her head in horror.

“Oh man!” muttered Johnny. He scratched his head and stared at the pink PhoneBoy. He could hear the Princess screaming, although the sound was muted. He looked at Brighamina lying on the kitchen tiles and scanned the fir trees surrounding the backyard. None of the neighbors could see him. He walked over to Brighamina and kissed her. She still wasn’t breathing.

Grunting, he picked her up in his arms and walked the ten feet to the pool, carrying his wife’s lifeless body.

Her pink PhoneBoy was there at the bottom, the Princess still screaming and yelling, her voice distorted by the water. The sun had turned an orange color as it set, and the sky was pink towards the west. Shaking his head and biting his lip, Johnny dropped Brighamina into the pool.  Her body made a sad splash, as she fell into the water face first. Johnny sat down by the pool and sniffled.

“Hey Johnny!” yelled Bowser from inside the kitchen. “The pigs are on the way! So is an ambulance.”

“What? Why?” Johnny lethargically lifted his head and walked into the kitchen. He picked up his shiny black plastic PhoneBoy.

“Yeah,” growled Bowser. “That Princess done squealed on you. She told the filth you done her in.”

“Goddamnit!” Johnny shook his head.

“Why do you think I keep capturing her?” said Bowser, with a shrug. “You look like you could use a pick-me-up, buddy. How about Chipper 4.4? You’ll be happy as fuck!”

“Bowser, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“First, act like you don’t know what happened,” said Bowser. “Play dumb and I’ll make some calls. But, before the cops get here, get that phone from the bottom of the pool and feed it to the sink.”

“Thanks, man,” said Johnny, who put the phone down and hurried outside. The sirens were getting louder as he dove in the pool and grabbed his wife’s pink PhoneBoy. The Princess was still screaming when he swam to the surface.

“Hurry! Get that broad in the sink!” yelled Bowser.

“No!” screamed the Princess. “You wouldn’t!”

Johnny ran into the kitchen and slipped on the tile floor. The Phone flew out of his hand and slid down the hallway to the front door.

“Dang it!” cursed Johnny.

“Get that phone! Hurry!” yelled Bowser from the black PhoneBoy atop the kitchen counter. “Into the sink before the pigs get here!”

Johnny heard the police cars come to a stop in front of the house. He got up and scurried to pick up the pink phone.

“Please! Don’t Johnny!” pleaded the Princess. “I’ll tell them whatever you want! It’s not too late for Brighamina!”

“She lies! Throw her into the sink!” howled Bowser. “Hurry! The pigs are walking up the driveway!”

Johnny got to his feet and threw the pink phone through the air underhandedly.

“Noooooo!” screamed the Princess, as she fell into the black sink with a dull thud. “Nooo!”

Blue tendrils stretched out of the drain and enveloped the pink phone.

“Noooo!” screamed the Princess as the pink phone disappeared into the blue blob.

“Heh, heh, heh!” chuckled Bowser. “Good job, Johnny. Now, play dumb.”

Johnny was curled up into a fetal position when the paramedics and police swarmed into the kitchen.